Storytime

Every Mom knows the benefits of reading to your child when they are young.  We want to encourage the love of reading,  spend quality time together, make memories, teach reading skills and nurture creativity.  The list goes on and on, as does your child's request for "just one more story, Mom".  

All this reading can make your book shelf and Mom's attention span, a little stale.  Even though your child may like to hear the same stories over, and over...and over again, Mom may be looking for some fresh material.  

I recently found a cute one called,  "Previously" written by Allan Ahlberg and illustrated by Bruce Ingman.  This funny and clever book is full of the unasked questions of what happened to famous storybook characters.  Where did Goldilocks go after she left the house of the three bears?  Did you know Cinderella had bumped into the The Gingerbread Man as he was being chased by a hungry mob?  This silly and adorable book is worth the read and is definitely a fun way to freshen up that stale reading selection.

Other places to search for great children's books:  

www.plantetesme.blogspot.com

www.beeskneesbooks.blogspot.com

www.justonemorebook.com

Happy Reading!

A Quote About Naps

It is true that you may occasionally overhear a mother say 
"Children must have their naps, 
It's mother who knows best." 
When what she really means by that 
Is that she needs a rest.  

by:  Donna Evleth, "Inspiring Quotations" compiled by A.M. Wells, Jr., 1988

Step-Up

"Well, they're just your step-kids."  

Step-parenting is a prevalent role in our society.  The divorce and re-marriage rates in America support the fact that many people will become step-parents.  Just like raising your biological children, raising step-kids is a road paved with highs and lows, successes and failures and the opportunity to loved and be loved in a fulfilling and beautiful way.

I feel I am qualified to babble on about this particular topic because I am not only a step-mom, but also a step-child with a very special step-mother and step-father to call my own.  (My parents were both remarried when I was in my early teens.)  So, I have had a lot of experience on the subject from many different sides over a significant period of time.    These are simply my opinions; the step-parenting adventure is different for everyone.  (Wow, is that a lot of disclaimers or what!)

My husband was divorced with two kids (ages 2 and 4) when I met him.  We have now been together for 13 years (married for 7).  The girls are now 15 and 17.  Our boys are now 6, 2 and 1.  If you do the math, you can calculate that I have a step-mom for quite a while now.  I was recently asked about my situation by a new step-mom.  After our conversation, I thought sharing this could be beneficial for many new step-parents out there.  So, with her permission, here are some of her questions and my responses.

Newbie:  What do your step kids call you?

Me:  Cathy.  In my house, I am not called "Mom" by my step-kids.  My girls already have a Mom and my role is not to take her place.  I want to be a welcomed addition, not a substitute. 

Newbie:  How do you get your step-kids to respect you?

Me:  Treat your step-kids the way you would want to be treated.  Be interested in them.  Spend one-on-one time with them.  Build a bond and work to keep strengthening that connection.  Support from your partner is also key.  They have to back you up.  When children see a united front, they feel protected and learn boundaries.  Through full support from your spouse, (both verbal and non-verbal), the kids are taught to respect you.  

Newbie:  I feel awkward around my step-kids.  I don't want to scare them off.

Me:  Love your step-kids as if they came from your own body.  Even if the love is new, it will grow stronger every day.  Be patient and be kind.  Kids can tell if you're faking it; this will leave a gap of mistrust in your relationship.  Open your arms and fill your heart with the blessing of a larger family.  

Newbie:  What is an important lesson you have learned?

Me:  Here's a BIG one:  Don't bad talk the other parent in front of the kids, no matter how tempting it may be!  Even if you feel you are speaking the truth, it will only make you look like the enemy in the eyes of your step-kids.  It is a simple virtue to live by, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  Why is this such an IMPORTANT rule?  Because everyone deserves a relationship with their parents...period.  Unless there is an abusive situation, do not interfere with the biological parent to child relationship.  Respect and encourage it.  When addressing the Ex, focus on the present, not the past.  Use a civil tongue.  Your efforts in this area will earn respect from both your partner and your step-kids.    

Newbie:  The Ex and I are very different people.  I have a hard time knowing how to handle the kids.

Me:  Avoid talk that sounds like, "How would your Mom handle this situation?  This will encourage the child to critique your position and reduce the respect between you.  Be the best person you know how to be.  Turn to your spouse or other adults for parenting tips, not your step-kids.

Being a step-mom has built character for me as a woman, defined me as a Mom, expanded my role as a caregiver and filled my heart to the rim.  It has also helped to heal some of my own wounds and understand the decisions of my own parents and step-parents.  I believe that God gave me obstacles to prepare me to be a step-mother to these two beautiful people who are more than just my step-kids.

A Quote From Mr. Rogers

I've always like this one...

The very best reason parents are so special . . . is because we are the holders of a priceless gift, a gift we received from countless generations we never knew, a gift that only we now possess and only we can give to our children. That unique gift, of course, is the gift of ourselves. Whatever we can do to give that gift, and to help others receive it, is worth the challenge of all our human endeavor.

--Fred Rogers

Titles

I have been a Single Girl, a Working Mom, a Stay At Home Mom and a Work At Home Mom in the new century.  Shifting and transitioning to conform, fit, and factor-in all of God's plans for my life.

Going from a Marketing Coordinator for a nationwide chain to being home all day is an adjustment to everything new.  A new routine, a new self discipline, a new dynamic with my husband and a new set of friends, just to name a few.

I remember working full time through my first pregnancy and daydreaming of how great it was going to be staying home, just me and my new baby all day.  Taking naps, making fabulous meals, no bosses, no deadlines and leisurely reading great novels.  After 6 months,  I realized it is the baby whom I beg to take naps, sometimes Hamburger Helper has to count as fabulous, the only reading I really did was baby's first year books.  Who would have known that part of me missed meeting deadlines, impressing my boss or lunch with my co-workers.

I also got a few perks as a stay at home Mom that I did not foresee.  An unconditional love and special trust only felt with your child.  A new level of respect and admiration from my husband.  Learning more about myself through new sets of challenges.  And I am a better person because of these surprises.

The modern woman holds all kinds of titles in her lifetime.  The only thing constant is self.  Who you are outside of the labels you acquire:  Mother, wife or employee.  Embrace life's changing roles and responsibilities; they may just be the best times of your life.

Keep The Home Fires Burning

Today's message comes from the heart of a sappy blogger.  My husband and I have been together 13 years this summer.  I think about those years and I am reminded of the good times, the bad ones, the ugly situations, the embarrassing moments,  and the rolling on the floor funny as hell ones, too.  So in honor of my soul mate, I thought I would blog a few thoughts about marriage.

A spark became a flame and a relationship ignited with your partner.  Remember that wonderful feeling that made you say "yes" to the one you love?  From that three letter word grew a home and a family complete with all of life's additions and subtractions.

Now, all fires require maintenance.  Fan the flame by spending time with just the two of you.  Be open to creative ways to express your love.  Physical actions like holding hands and making the time to be intimate.  Verbal reinforcements like saying "I love you" and reminding them you feel "blessed to be together" can make all the difference between a good day and a great one!  It is a beautiful thing to love and be loved in return.

Keep in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, or a perfect spouse for that matter.  Everyone has their annoying/endearing traits.  It is simply important to take care of each other. Keep focused on the fact that the two of you made a commitment to grow old together.  A mate for life is a blessing.  (Occasionally disguised as a pain in the ass! LOL!)  So tonight, tell your mate you love them, hold their hand for no reason and vow to keep the home fires burning.

I'm A Stressed-Out Little Teapot

Sound familiar?

The house is a mess.  Each of the toddlers are wanting my attention; pulling me in opposite directions.  The phone is ringing and lunchtime is approaching.  The water in my emotional teapot is heating up and about to boil.  My youngest dumps his juice all over the dog and my whistle blows! 

One of my 2009 Resolutions was to have more patience with my kids.  I'm sure this one is near the top for all Moms.  Now, it is my nature to research things I do not know.  In my pursuit to find the magic technique to save my sanity in these "teapot moments", I recently stumbled upon an interesting take on why kids make their Mothers crazy.  It is from a book called, "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I'll paraphrase and report:  Kids have little control in their lives.  But, one way to gain control is to misbehave for Mom and send her into one of her fits.  Sure, she'll punish the kids with time-outs, etc., but look what you get, complete emotional domination over her!  Now, Dr. Dyer's answer to this is to identify and deconstruct your anger to eventually eliminate it.  

Now, I am no where close to perfection.  But, I am a work in progress.  I want to keep evolving and this is one area where I surely need help.  If someone out there has found the solution to cool off an angry Mama at the peak of her frustration, I welcome your comments.

Sincerely,

Ma-Kettle

Are you paying attention? There will be a test later.

We watch our kids while they are playing so they don't dash into the street, run with scissors or poke their eye out doing something careless.  Beyond being a referee, are we missing a chance to really observe our children's point of view on the world?

There is a fantastic quote that says, "We get to see who are children really are through a crack in the door."  Watch closely.  Understanding who they truly are will hep you customize your parenting skills with each child according to their needs.  You can use these observations to customize your style of discipline, reward systems and even which talents to expand upon.  All of this and more can be improved if you just start studying your kids.

Ask yourself:  What makes my child's eyes light up?  What are they good at?  What makes them laugh?  When are they at their most vibrant?  What is one thing that you know about them that no one else can see?